As an innovator, and trust me I threw up in my mouth a little when I said that, there is a hard lesson that I’m trying to learn. No, it’s not following the latest press releases. No, it’s not keeping my finger on the pulse of the entrepreneur scene here. It’s harder and more focused.
Frankly I need to take better care of myself.
I think we all do really, but it’s something that so easily gets pushed aside. Especially if you have a family and especially if you’re the birth parent. IT’s almost ridiculously hard to balance the needs of my family with my needs of innovation. I am simply not cut from the clothe that be a stay at home parent. I can’t. I’m terrible at caregiving and (secretly) don’t enjoy it. There I said it. Yes, I love my kiddo, yes I’m so proud of them. But the first eighteen months of their life was probably the worse in mine. I think shit hit the fan around six months and it only started to abate around three and half years old.
Mainly that because my little one is a shit sleeper. But even in the throws of bone-deep exhaustion I’ve managed to come up with an idea for a business, and I even started it. Then last year when they just turned three I had to drop everything and become a full time care giver again. Thankfully it only lasted for a month, but it sucked. And I barely had space to breathe, let alone thrive.
So now that my little one is back in daycare again AND they’ve gotten a bit older AND they started sleeping better I’ve been able to squeeze in some time for myself and only for myself. I’m centering myself again in my life, something that hasn’t happened for the past four years. But I can only do it a little bit and let me tell you, I’m so much happier. Hell, I’m even a better parent too.
So how am I doing this? Well it’s as simple as going to the gym. Ugh. Sounds trite, and I’m sorry. But for me, in my body exercise is the sure fire way to feel good and look good (something I’ve given up entirely at this point). Honestly I think it’s the endorphins but I’ll take whatever it is. And more importantly this time around, I need a space that resembles myself. Somewhere women-owned. Somewhere where people are trying to center themselves again. And I don’t really want to be surrounded by incredibly beautiful people in their mid twenties. I’m in my forties now, and I want to be around people who know what three years of exhaustion does to your body.
I want to be around people who have to go to therapy because they are tying to parent in a different way. I want to be around people who are bruised and broken, because that’s where the real grit comes in, where creativity comes from being pinned up between a rock and a hard place and fighting yourself out. Now I found a place that does in-home personal training, but I’m more of the type of person that needs to spend time face to face with people. But this could be an option for others, hence why I want to bring it to your attention.
So, if you fancy yourself an innovator, take care of yourself. Do what feels good to you in your body, that will be the best for your work, I guarantee it.
